The short term stresses are finally over.
You know, stress really gives you breakouts on your face.
Now it's over, I can finally take a short break.

It's just that there're still three more papers to go, that is, Biology and Chemistry Paper 1 and Chinese Paper 2.
Just awhile more...
Haiz... Someone says I am contradictory about myself. Well, I guess I was. Thanks for waking me up. Or maybe I haven't. I've yet grown up. Man, my thinking might still need some maturing. I am like, so damn stuffed. Like, my mind is going to explode. No, I don't self-pity. That has gotta be the worse thing ever. I always put people's feelings before mine. Or do I not? I don't like conflicts. So, if no one bothers me, I won't bother to bother anyone. I won't even think about conflicting thoughts.

But why am I presented with stupid and redundant stresses in school? What's wrong for bearing a resemblance presumably to someone who doesn't even bear a resemblance to me at all, I feel, sometimes, no one understands or try to understand me at all. Act. It's all part of life isn't it? Acting. Acting happy? No, they say I'm gloomy because I rarely open my mouth to speak. As if I'm gloomy. But yeah, they're all like strangers to me, of course I would feel gloomy. Heard a song by The All American Rejects named Dirty Little Secret. Seen the video. There was this little secret written on a card that a person held in front of the camera. That was, "I hate the feeling of being lonely". Or something like that. I can't quite remember. That's exactly what I feel.

But hey, I took this world renowned colour personality test. It says I am an introverted green. Personalities seem set even before birth. A scientific study was conducted on personalities. Say, it's true. A high percentage of people who have dealt with a lot of emotional stress when they were young turns out to be introverts. Did I? I try not to remember. I don't wanna know about sadness. I just love to laugh. And making people laugh cheers me up. People who don't know me say I don't look like someone who can joke. Hah. And when people who know me hears that, all they could do was laugh and smirk. I don't know what that means. I never asked. Ever.

BEAR WITH IT. They say, after I graduate, all the unhappiness will be gone. "No more sadness, no more misery, just HEAVEN" as quoted from Che Chengjun from STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN. Wow. That's so unrealistic. Anyway, things like that don't really bother me anymore. I feel most happy at home, where there's warmth. Ahh.. That's what I call my Heaven, my HOME SWEET HOME. Well, at least I have a piece of my own Heaven at home. Cool. That's all I need, together with my best friends. There'll be no more loneliness. The fear I feel everytime I stand alone, I ain't actually alone at all. San told me, "we are all supporting you okay?" as in she and the others. Well, thanks a lot. I know you all always have, am I right?

Saturday, September 17, 2005